Slow has never been my style. I’ve always thrived on activity, hectic is my normal. I’m honestly not sure I’m capable of slowing down. Since my diagnosis of CFS/ME back in April I’ve been aware that I need to change my approach. I need to pace myself. The consequences of not doing so are that I end up forced to slow down by my symptoms, yet as soon as I recover I seem to get back on the merry go round and do it all over again.
Part of the problem is not wanting to miss out on social time with my lovely friends. I can just about manage my families schedule of school runs, out of school activities, chores and family time. Anything extra is often too much. I’ve got some lovely friends, real true friends who like me for who I am and are supportive, fun and just all round wonderful. I want to see them. I don’t want to seem rude by being unavailable but realistically I can’t keep up the pace I’ve been setting, not unless I can get some of my pixies doing the housework!
The other, and probably main problem is that I’m simply not comfortable when I have no plan. So even if I free up a day, and intend to dedicate the whole or part of it to getting some rest I don’t see it through. When I wake up in the morning with a chunk of unplanned time ahead in the day I panic. For some reason I need to fill all my time or I feel anxious. Then I’m on the merry go round of being too busy, very tired and feeling unable to do anything about it.
This needs to change, it has to change, I cannot continue on with this cycle of bust and boom. Beside which I’m becoming less convinced that a rushed life is the best approach anyway. Illness aside I need time to potter, to daydream, to watch the flowers grow.
I’m asking for you advice, tips on slowing down, clearing a seemingly impossible schedule. Leave me a comment and I will take some steps forward in slowing down this whirling dervish!